I love this photo of my husband and me almost 6 years ago, celebrating his 45th birthday in Vegas.
It’s such a funny memory for us, because neither of us are “Vegas people.” We were in bed by 11 every night! Except maybe when we went to see Cirque du Soleil. I think we made it to midnight that night.
Once, we ordered room service and fell asleep before it even arrived! ?
But hey, we still had a great time, lounging by the pool with our $40 drinks!! (Yeah, really.)
Seriously, we didn’t care. We were just so grateful to have the freedom to pick up and go to Vegas (or anywhere else) whenever we wanted to.
Today, we’re still grateful to have that freedom.
How To Attract Your Soulmate
Don’t get hung up on the word soulmate. If it’s too fluffy for you, replace it with “perfect partner”, “soul spouse”, or anything else that feels like the person you absolutely love sharing and creating your life with!
Now before you get your head all in a dizzy, I agree that a friend or family member can be a sort of “soulmate” in our lives – someone who awakens and stirs higher levels of consciousness and awareness in us. (Look at me getting all deep.) But for this article, I am talking about the kind of soulmate you’re spooning. ☺️
What’s So Great About a Soulmate Anyway?
I just love the life and memories Chris and I have created together. When we met eleven years ago, one of the things that united us was our shared vision – to live life on OUR terms, not by society’s standards or expectations.
We both wanted to travel often and spend time living in different parts of the world.
We both wanted to make health and fitness a priority in our lives, no matter our age.
We both wanted to work for ourselves so we could make our own hours and enjoy our personal hobbies and freedoms.
We also vowed to respect each other’s passions, and give one another the space to grow and pursue those individual passions, while also being each other’s biggest fan and supporter.
Today, looking back, I get a big ole swell in my heart when I realize we have done ALL that and MORE!
And THAT is what’s so great about a soulmate!
That when two people share a vision and a focus, life’s possibilities burst wide open, and you are able to enjoy life in bigger and better ways than you would have with the wrong partner. Life just feels lighter and free flowing.
If you’re already with your soulmate, then you know exactly what I’m talking about!
And if you’ve ever been with the wrong mate – especially if you’ve been with the wrong mate – you know exactly how the opposite can feels; heavy and fatiguing, or empty and lonely.
So, if you choose to settle down with a life partner, make it the right partner!
Because anything less, is less than you’re worth.
The Path to My Mate
Two days before I met Chris I was visiting my best friend and her family for Thanksgiving, in a town about 90 minutes from where I lived. I picked up a book she was reading, and I couldn’t put it down. I can’t remember the title, but it had something to do with getting clear about what or whom you want to attract. It spoke directly to my heart, and especially to my mind, because at that point in my life I had a lot of experience and success with mindset work, and clarity was a big part of it.
So that night, with the help of visualization, deep breathing, and tuning in, I made a long list of exactly what I wanted in a partner, and what I did not want; every single detail, including his values, mannerisms, economics, spiritual beliefs, even his general physical appearance.
The next step was to, little by little, cross things off the list that I determined would not be deal breakers for me, until eventually I ended up with my top 10 Must Haves in a life partner, no exceptions!
I was surprised that things I thought mattered, like “can’t have children,” “can’t be divorced,” and “can’t be much older than me” did not make my top 10.
Other things that I had previously pretended didn’t matter so much, like “must enjoy exercise”, and “must be more introverted than extroverted,” did make my top 10.
I was finally getting real about what really mattered to me, not what I thought should matter.
That night, I tucked the list away in my overnight bag and went to sleep.
Two days later, after the town’s tree lighting ceremony, my friend and I sat down at a local bar to have a sandwich. About an hour later, my future husband walked in the door.
He was ten years old than me, divorced, and had a small child.
He was also physically fit and confidently introverted. You know, the strong silent type. My type.
At the end of our second date I went home and checked off all 10 items on my “Must Have” list.
How Exactly Do You Attract YOUR Soul Mate?
The same way you attract anything else in life.
First, by getting clear – very clear – about what you want and do not want.
This brings to mind a phrase that I visit often when I’m faced with a new decision or trajectory in life, and it’s that “Whenever we have wishy-washy goals or expectations, we end up with wishy-washy results.” This phrase reminds me to define my focus and set clear intentions before I move on.
In the case of love, that simply means that if you only “kind of know” what you want in a mate, then you’ll only attract a mate who “kind of” suits you.
That’s why spending a couple hours that night visualizing, defining, and redefining in clearer terms exactly whom I wanted to attract, had such a powerful outcome in such a short time. It also helped that I had enough experience with the qualities I didn’t want to attract.
Your list is like your love letter to yourself
If making a list feels too formal or “business-like” to you, ask yourself this question:
“Why should I make this decision with any less preparation than I’d take to make a decision about my career or a big financial investment?”
Doesn’t your decision with whom to spend the rest of your life with – sleep with, eat with, travel with, raise kids with, wash dishes with, grow old with – deserve at least that much attention?
And it doesn’t have to be a “list” per se, although it’s proven that actually putting your thoughts and desires on paper greatly increases your chances of accomplishing those desires; you could record a video or audio of yourself visualizing your mate and verbalizing your list.
However you decide to approach it, take the time to make sure you are tuning in to your heart and coming from your true self, asking the universe for exactly what you want, not what you think you should want. This is powerful stuff, so you must be careful about what you focus on, because what you focus on you feel. And what you feel, you will attract.
That’s the whole point!
Finally, once you are clear about what you want, you need to be OPEN to receiving it.
Because remember, YOU are worth it!
“What If I’m in the Wrong Relationship Now?”
I’ve spoken to many women who feel like they are currently in the wrong relationship, but are afraid to get out of it because they don’t know what’s on the other side.
If you’re one of those people, I completely understand! I’ve been there myself, a couple of times.
In fact, less than a year before I met my husband I abruptly ended a “good” relationship with a “great guy”.
There wasn’t anything wrong with our relationship to speak of. We were only about 6 months in, so things were still fresh and fun. We got along, I liked his family, and he treated me really well; all seemingly good reasons to stay together.
But I knew in my heart that there was something missing; that we weren’t quite perfectly matched for the long term. It was a risk (as my friends reminded me), giving up “a good guy” without knowing what was on the other side.
But I’d taken risks before. And what I had learned whenever I took a chance on myself was that the risk was always worth it.
If you believe in yourself, I trust that risk will be worth it for you too.
Are you one of the blessed ones, already living life with your soulmate? Congratulations! Can you help me spread the love dust by either sharing this email with someone you know who is looking for love, or sharing a bit of your own soulmate story in the comments section?
If you’re still working on attracting your soulmate, please share your approach in comments below.
I reply to every one of your comments, and I look forward to chatting it up with you! I love a little girl talk.